Christian music. I, can't, stand it. I talking about the modern, Christian band that you find on many a radio station, KLOVE, online, etc. Here we go..., "How could a pastor not like Christian music?!" Allow me to clarify; in a worship setting it is...okay, perhaps...good. Okay, in truth I mostly grit my teeth and tolerate it because I can see that for some people it's doing good for them (yes there are exceptions but they are just that, exceptions). For me it's a painful experience. I mean, I want to hide under the chair and weep until the storm of lameness passes. Why? This is why;
- It all sounds the stinking same! You hear people say that some music genres sound the same? Same here, it all sounds the freaking same, like 2nd rate soft rock from the early 1990s. You also play the same 3-4 chords like it's Sweet Home Alabama, and behold, it's "music!" Praise God! An exercise in monotony in the treble clef. Gross! I can't take it!
- It all talks the same! If there is anything about Christian music is that it's lyrics and message are utterly predictable. It usually goes this way; God is so good, I am not worthy, you are worthy, all hail Jesus, he's my buddy and my friend and my Savior and my God and my Messiah and my pal, I am not worthy, God is so good. There are slight variations; some that say how blessed we are, how blessed you are, oh we are so blessed, God blesses. Or perhaps God is a genie in a bottle who grants the 3 wishes to the faithful prayers. Yeah, that's how it works, NOT. You hear one Christian song, you've probably heard 80% of the message that's been shared for the past 20 years. Hear those thuds? That's my head banging against the wall.
- It feels like it's manipulating me. Come on Brad, let the song tug that heartstring, come on, just give in, to the Dark Side (couldn't resist). Lift your hands, close your eyes, sway with the crowd like we are about to do the "wave" but it's for God! Try it on me, and I shut down harder than you'll ever see me do so. I'm not rejecting God, I'm rejecting this, thing. And let's be real, much of the Christian music is all about proselytizing as much as worship material. If there is anything that makes me squirm, it's manipulation, even when it's subtle. The American South is full of passive aggressive manipulation, I don't need it in my music!
- It tries too hard. So you don't like the pop soft rock sound Brad? Try the heavy metal Christian music. Or the blues. Or the rap. Or the folksy/acoustic. Don't worry Brad, we will find the flavor of ice cream-I mean Christian music that you will like! Well I tasted them all, and the word that mostly comes to my mind is...fake. The Christian metal music annoys me the most. See I'm a metal head. I can't explain it, but when the music is pure and there it calls to me, rhythmically and tonally. Banging my head with a crowd of fellow metalheads and raising my fist of horns, wow, it's primal, awesome, pure, and you can't force it. It's there or it isn't. So when I hear Christian metal, it sounds fake. It's like watching a soccer team playing a baseball game for the first time. Sure they're athletes, they sort of know the rules, they can run and hit and try to catch fly balls, but you can just tell, this is not their natural fit. Are these Christian metal bands fake? I wouldn't go there (not my call), but that's how I hear it, how I receive it. It sounds like I'm listening to an imposter, and it makes me squirm.
- I would rather jam to Five Finger Death Punch, Sevendust, Rob Zombie, Avatar, Lacuna Coil, Cilver (they're new and AMAZING), and a thousand other metal bands and my soul is just fine thank you! I found my love of music in the grunge era, and this was the natural evolution. When I tell people it leads to looks of amusement (which is great) or the raised eyebrow of skeptical criticism, which this leads into this darker place;
- Listening to Christian music becomes the cheap calling card to proclaim you are a faithful Christian. Don't get me started!!!! Often it's true love, that the music does good for your soul. Good for you, truly. But for all my life I've also heard and received the message from many that, "It's all I listen to," which carries the not so subtle message "If you are a Christian you should too." I doubt it's all you listen to, but I'll take your word for it. Also, I might listen to it if it wasn't so repetitive, boring, predictable, manipulative, or pandering! So no thank you. I'm trying to channel my Simon Cowell tone and say that I'm trying to be kind.
- So here come the comments; Oh Brad you haven't heard so and so or you may want to try listening to this and this. Well here is some good news; I am not above trying new things. I am not the picky eater who screams at the sight of new foods. Everything gets a shot. But it's best to keep your expectations low, because I've been waiting for a very long time for naught.
Now I'm not being a troll, this is all honest feedback. This doesn't mean we can't do church together. We should. But this call to conformity, to blandness, to inauthenticity, I can't and won't go there.
I'm also not sure if this is just a tip of an iceberg or a rant. Maybe both. But there you go. Thoughts?
