I Like Walking to I Like Running;
With Life and With God
Isaiah 40: 28-31. "Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and strengthens the powerless. Even youths will faint and be weary, and the young will fall exhausted; but those who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint."
I am not an athlete. I hate exercise. I like endorphins. I love competition. I prefer to watch sports from the sidelines. I look at people running marathons and think to myself, "They're out of their minds!" And I run my first 5K on June 19th, 2014 at Lake Junaluska at 7:30am. I hate working out in the morning. I loved every second of it. I loved running with my sister. I like to exercise alone. I want to live a long time. I want to have good health so I can enjoy a long life. I hate giving up control. I give God my need to control and find out I love it.
Understand that I HATE moving. I can be perfectly content slouching lazily in my chair, feet propped up with a game controller in my hand. I am a gamer, through and through, though the controller could also be substituted with a good book, or my phone as I read newspapers, magazines, and blogs. Or it could be watching sports (World Cup Futbol right now)! Moving is simply not a natural state of mine. And yet for 7 years now I can taken long walks with my wife to running my first 5K with my sister. What gives? A realization in my mind and heart actually, or I should say my joints.
When I began working out a bit more seriously 2 years ago in my BodyPump class there was a gentleman who was busting his butt, and he definitely had some weight to lose and was putting me to shame. One day after class I told him how awesome he was doing. He responded by telling me he was a borderline diabetic and working to stop it to avoid having to take insulin. He then told me something his doctor told him which I never forgot, "You're going to be facing some pain, you can't avoid it. It's either the pain of a needle or the pain of breaking a sweat. Your choice." Wow. Truth be told, I had made a similar decision a few years before.
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| My Sister and I at Yankee Stadium, 2003. I've come a long way. |
In the years before I started walking, I wasn't just overweight, I was obese. No question. While I wasn't happy how the weight made me look, it was also painful. I was experiencing serious back-pain, the kind that made it hard for me to even walk at times. I would sometimes go to sleep in my recliner because it would ease the pain that my extra weight around my waist would put on my spine, which my bed didn't provide. The weight made my joints in my hips sore, so walking was even painful. It hurt enough to make me grit my teeth, and Advil became a new friend of mine. I would eat unhealthy (fast food and soda were favorites) and I would tell myself that that was normal, but the pain was the price. There's always a price, even if we pretend to ignore it. There are no free lunches. The fact that my favorite hobbies also included sitting didn't help either.
Then 7 years ago I married Renee, and she saw the potential in me and got me walking (3 miles every day and it hurt a lot, for there are prices to pay). You probably know that story but there is more. I also had to get over my fear of joining a gym. Fear? Me? Yes, fear of judgment, that I would see people doing amazing things and I would have to look at them and look at myself and find myself wanting. I would be forced to judge myself. However I couldn't back out, I had to join. We lived in an area where walking 3 miles wasn't a option anymore. So I did something I thought I would never do, I joined the Y. My health and well-being improved, inch my inch, drop by drop, slowly as the movement of a glacier. Well those drops in the bucket added up, but sometimes the bucket would be poured out too. Life does that. The birth of my son (and the freedom to do anything goes out the window), the changing of churches and jobs, you gotta adapt or lose what you’ve gained. You also gotta look higher, be bolder, and sometimes be crazier. In this case, it's doing a 5K. Big surprise, that was my wife's idea too!
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| My 1st 5K in April |
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| Before the 5K, the proceeds go to fight malaria |
We meet at Lake Junaluska around 7:00am the day of the race. I'm already nervous. I am not trained to run this, I can only handle one mile and this is 3.2. Dana insists we run most of it. I insist we walk when necessary and not kill ourselves. Then off we go! There's something wonderful watching so many people from different walks of life, clergy, laity, families all running as one. It's beautiful. Well we didn't get 20 feet and Dana nearly loses her car-key she tied in her shoelaces. I shouldn't have been surprised, these things happen to her…. And then off we go, again. As we jog along I notice something; we are talking to each other a lot. I didn't think I would have the breath for it, but I do. I also notice that Dana's pace is slowing me down from my favorite speed, but it may be one I can keep longer. She told me later I was forcing her to run faster than her favorite speed, go figure! We continue our jog around the lake, joking about dodging goose poop (the lake is infested with Canadian Geese), how we're feeling, just having a great time. I also notice that I am managing this well and I can see the Convention Center (also the finish-line) across the lake from us. We can do this. So I look at Dana and say, "Okay, let's do it. Let's run the whole thing!" Dana is excited and we continue. I ask her if she's okay and she says, "We aren't running laps so we can do it. I hate laps, they're the worst thing a 5K, to double back on your progress. This is just around the lake so I think we're good!"
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| I'm slightly middle/left, Dana is behind the guy in black. Our Bishop's head can be seen beside the right checkered flag. |
Then we reach the wooden bridge, the one that takes us back to the side of the lake with the finish (beside the pools if you are familiar), and the sign says to keep running on past the bridge. How? There are no access roads to get around the lake past this point without going to the main highway, and that's too far. Then we start seeing runners going the opposite way past us. We're being lapped back to the bridge. I am thinking very negative words in my head as I feel my legs yell at me in frustration. It's horrible when you have to argue with your legs. Dana is shaking her head, her words already coming back to bite us. Ugh! I blame her!....I know it's not her fault, but that was a punch to the gut. So we run on and on, and it hurts, till we see the 5K volunteer by a cone telling us to double back around her. As we jog around her she says, "Great job you're half way!" Now I know she's wrong, we've passed half way a while back. I've walked this trail dozens of times before, this isn't half, this is 2/3rds. Dana believes her and it kills her. Still, we keep running, the joy now turned to determination, and pain. I'll be dead before I walk across that wooden bridge I tell myself. We also see our Bishop Larry Goodpaster walking quickly on the lap-part. We wave and he keeps on trucking. We look at each other. The power-walking bishop is keeping up with us. So we keep going.
So we reach the bridge and jog across it, dodging dog walkers as we go, almost to the long stretch of the Rose Path. I'm feeling okay but as we reach the other side of the bridge I see to get to the Rose Path we must run uphill. It looks 25 miles long. We both consider walking (but we don't speak it), and I know 2 things. One, if we walk now we'll never get back to a jog again. Two, my buddy Drew is at the top of the hill cheering us on, and I didn't want to hear what he would say if we wimped out now. So we fight it, and struggle up the hill, jog past Drew as he tells us we're almost there (You don’t have to tell me!), and on the Rose Path we go.
Now the sun's out, and the humidity jumps 250%. It's flat ground, but the air and heat is oppressing. Still we keep jogging. And there is the Convention Center, so close and getting closer. We're going to make it, I think. We then hop onto the road seeing the runners who have been waiting on us, cheering us on. I can see the checkered flag-gate. "If you can sprint, go for it," Dana tells me. "It's all I can do to run at this pace," I reply. Then a few seconds later I look up at the nearing finishline and see a clock. I can't believe it. First I didn't know a fancy big clock was even up there to begin with. Second, the time shocked me. Remember my first 5K was 37 minutes? This clock said, 34:55. I've already beaten my time. Then something clicked in my head. "Are you going to let that clock hit 35?" "No!!!!!!!!" I cry out in my head.
Without warning I cry out to Dana, "Come on LET'S GO!!!" And I let loose in a full out sprint. I can barely hear the crowd laugh and cheer at my exclamation, just in a corner of my consciousness. Only one thought runs through my head, "I'm flying." Literally it felt like flying. My feet are hardly touching the ground. I'm soaring through the air with the grace of an eagle and with more energy than when I started this thing. I glide through the finish and jumped high and far into the air with a righteous fist-pump. Dana comes in right behind me telling me that to keep up her heart was about to explode. I must confess, a tiny itty-bitty corner inside me was excited I beat my sister, but 10 times more my heart is filled with joy that she was there to push me, encourage me, and that we finished this 5K together. I can't describe how much love I had for my sister in that moment.
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| After the 5K, feeling like champs! |
As we confidently walk/waddle over to the crowd to find water and bananas I try to take in what just happened to me. Something new transformed inside me. Then the words came into my head, "I am becoming the master of my own flesh." Usually we are slaves to our flesh; to disease, aging, death. That's life, but we aren't victims to all of it. We can chose the pain we experience; to break a sweat, to decline the donuts for a banana or two, to get up, to suffer for righteousness, and suffer with a friend who can bring out the powerful human being within you. I made that choice, and in that moment of flying I felt as alive as I did on my wedding day and the day my son was born. I'm not kidding. As in those days a whole new beautiful world was laid out in front of me; a world without limits, a world filled with the wisdom of knowing choices, a world worth suffering for, a world where my body becomes perfected in God's Grace, a world where my life my can positively effect other lives. This wasn't a goal that was met; this is a new beginning.
Now you may be thinking, "Congratulations, you found a hobby and you're getting fit. Good for you. I could never - or I can't -." Thank you for your kind thoughts, but I will not accept your can't(s). We often place more barriers in front of us than barriers that are already there. We craft much the worlds we live in. We are more than just victims trapped in life's chaos. You can be swept away in the chaos, or you can chose to fight it, struggle in it, master yourself within it, and most importantly, give that control to God so that He can lead you through it. Excuses are surrender, and we can always do better than that. Why not chose your pain? You have choices, and you make them daily. Why not make good ones, even if they hurt (the bad choices hurt also)? Now please know I have total empathy and love for people who have disabilities who prevent them from the activities I'm loving, and this isn't meant in any way to knock them. Besides, those people have a strength and grace within them that far surpass what I have, big time! What I am encouraging you to do, dear reader, is to take stock of what you have, see how blessed you really are, and if you're ready, start walking, and if you are walking now, start running! Walking is where it starts, it's been my preferred speed of travel for a long time. One day as you walk you may realize that walking is just the beginning. God has created you to fly. Like a plane racing down the runway to create lift, we are called to move a little bit faster, struggle a little bit more, discover pain can kill you or can create wisdom and endurance within you. With this knowledge you move faster, stronger, and then it'll click, and you take off. It also helps to fly with someone who is willing and ready to do it with you, to teach you, encourage you, and push you. The odds of you taking off are higher if you have a friend or partner beside you. It's how God made us, not to be solo artists but to be a community, a family, a church. Start walking, learn to like it, and when you’re ready, start running, and do so with a friend! The results will rock your world. You'll never look back. You won't want to. The sky is so much greater. It's where God is waiting for you and for me.
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| After the 5K. My smile is fake, but I really feel awesome! Dana's smile is great, as always! |
